


Stumbling Into Life

by muse_in_absentia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, Harry Knew First, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-10-19 23:12:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17610863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muse_in_absentia/pseuds/muse_in_absentia
Summary: Sometimes it takes an outside force to make you realize what's been inside all along.





	Stumbling Into Life

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the [Remus Lupin Fest](https://remuslupinfest.tumblr.com/), which has been a blast.
> 
> A rather large thank you to my beta, [Maraudererasmut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maraudererasmut).
> 
> And lastly, my prompt, which I sort of veered away from because this didn't want to behave... but I tried...  
>  _Harry comes out to Remus and Sirius, and they relay their past experiences as a same-sex couple to give him advice_

_**SUNDAY**_

Remus was sprawled on the battered sofa with copies of the latest articles on both Transfiguration and Arithmancy. Neither were terribly interesting, even though he was meant to be editing them; he was spending more time watching the fire crackle in the small wood stove and listening to the rain than he was doing any real work. Sirius had been in his room since supper, and Remus was thinking of letting himself doze off for a while, delaying any attempt to interrupt whatever Sirius was doing in there, even to see if he wanted to share a bottle of Firewhisky. 

He pulled a tattered afghan, the one that he had brought with him when Sirius asked him to stay, off the back of the couch and was just dozing off when he heard a knock at the door. Wand in his hand, he was on his feet instantly, a remnant of the war even now, six years later. Sirius appeared at the bottom of the stairs nearly instantly, skidding to a stop in socked feet. 

Cautiously Sirius cracked open the door, only to reveal Harry standing on the other side, a small bag in one hand and his hair flattened by the light drizzle that had been persisting for days. 

Sirius flung the door open at once, and Harry gave him a tiny smile before slinking inside. 

“Harry!” Sirius turned on his biggest smile, the one Remus recognized as his “I won’t make you talk about it” smile. He doubted that Harry had learned what it meant yet, however, as he nearly stumbled backwards from the exuberance. 

“Let him at least dry off before you pounce on him, Sirius,” Remus sighed, flicking his wand and floating Harry’s bag inside and out of the way before Sirius tripped on it. 

“Thanks,” Harry mumbled, and Remus frowned at him, turning away to make some tea to warm them all up. 

He wasn’t used to seeing this melancholic version of Harry. Even when things were going wrong all the time, and it seemed they wouldn’t all survive, he remembered Harry being more prone to bouts of anger rather than despondency. Chalking it up to growing up, Remus left Harry to Sirius and wandered into the kitchen, putting the kettle on and floating tea bags down from the top shelf and into three mugs. He pulled out the honey for Sirius and the sugar for Harry. 

It was a few minutes before either of them joined him in the kitchen, and the kettle was just starting to shout at him _Warm. Warm. Warm. Hot. Hot. HOT._ He pulled it off the heat and poured three mugs of tea, setting them down at the table and letting Sirius and Harry fix them how they liked. He could have made Sirius’ for him, but it seemed rude to leave Harry out, so he left them to their own devices. 

“So, Harry is going to be staying with us for a little while,” Sirius said quietly, picking up his mug and immediately wincing when it was too hot.  
Remus bit his tongue so as not to laugh at Sirius’ predictability, because this sounded like the sort of situation that didn’t really warrant laughing, even if it was just at Sirius burning himself again. 

“We can transfigure the desk into a bed for now,” Remus shrugged. “It’s not as if I actually use the thing. I’m still not sure what you bought it for.” 

“Because I’m a nice person who assumed that you would use it, since you have a job that actually requires a lot of writing.” 

“Sirius,” Remus snorted, “When have I _ever_ used a desk?” 

That pulled Sirius up short and he frowned, eyes going a little distant. Remus could only assume he was trying to think back over the years. Finally, seeing Harry trying not to laugh at them, which had at least been a part of the point, Remus took pity on Sirius. “Never, Sirius. Not even when we were in school.” 

“That’s right!” Sirius’ face only pinched off for a moment at the lost memories, before relaxing again. It was something that was gradually getting better with the years of freedom. A lot of the memories were slowly coming back in bits and pieces and the ones that weren’t, Sirius no longer beat himself up over, which made Remus smile at him every time. 

“I used to find you in the strangest places doing homework.” Flashing a sharp grin, Sirius turned to Harry, who was clutching at his tea, but not actually drinking it, looking a little calmer than he had when he appeared at their door, but was still curling in on himself at the shoulders. “I once found him _under_ his bed doing a transfiguration essay in our third year.” 

“Charms,” Remus corrected absently. 

“Really? I thought it was transfiguration, and that’s why I ended up under the bed with you, helping.” 

“I was under the bed to practice charming the dust bunnies to hop around. You joined me because you’re weird.” 

“That does sound more likely,” Harry offered, voice a little tight, a little hoarse. 

“Are you hungry, Harry?” Remus asked, trying to keep him engaged, but Harry just shook his head and went back to watching his tea swirl around in his mug. 

“Why don’t I get that bed set up,” Remus offered, standing up and putting his mug in the sink, still half full. When no one answered, not even Sirius taking the piss about being better at transfiguration, Remus scurried out of the room. As soon as he was in the hallway he could breathe a little easier, the tension, thankfully, not following him out of the kitchen. 

He had never been good at talking about his problems, and he was self-aware enough to know that it wasn’t a thing that had changed with the years, so he left Sirius and Harry to it. Slipping into the small room off the parlor that had been designated his office, but was mostly storage at this point he closed the door behind him he leaned heavily against it for a moment. It wasn’t that he minded having Harry there, for as long as he wanted to stay, so much as he didn’t know how to approach talking to him as closed off as he was. Remus had never seen him like this before, and he couldn’t even tell if Harry was upset,containing anger, or simply exhausted. He had no baseline to work from, and it was startlingly apparent just how different from James Harry really was. 

Shaking his head and taking one last deep breath, Remus flicked his wand a couple of times and sent the stacks of books floating onto the bookshelves and into neat piles along the baseboards when the shelves grew too full to hold any more, sagging beneath the weight. He and Sirius really did collect far too many books.  
Once the bulk of the room was clear, he turned his attention to the desk. It took him two tries to transfigure it into a bed frame that looked sturdy enough. Then, trying to at least not make it feel like it had been made from a desk, he let himself back out of the office to grab a few cushions off the sofa which he transfigured into an only slightly lumpy mattress. Pillows and blankets they had more than enough of, thankfully. 

A quick _accio_ and Harry’s bag appeared and settled next to the bed. He gave the room one last look over, then sighed to himself and forced himself to march back to the kitchen where Harry and Sirius were sitting in silence with fresh tea and tense shoulders. 

“There’s a room all set for you, Harry,” Remus said softly, cracking the silence apart and scattering it. Both men moved at once, Harry nodding at Remus, Sirius picking up the mugs and depositing them in the sink to be dealt with later. 

“I think I’ll just...” Harry left in the direction of the office turned bedroom, and left Sirius and Remus watching each other helplessly. 

“I’ve never seen him like that,” Remus offered, putting voice to what he had been thinking since Harry showed up. 

Sirius twitched his wand and put up a hasty silencing charm before nodding. “Me either. I can’t decide if we should just give him some time, or start panicking. He’s usually a little more,” he paused, frowning and grabbing a bottle of Firewhisky from the cabinet. 

“Vocal?” Remus offered, dropping into one of the kitchen chairs. 

“Yeah. He’s usually a little more vocal when something is bothering him.” 

A tumbler appeared at Remus’ elbow, and he picked it up, taking a long pull. “I think all we can do is wait and hope he wants to tell us. And maybe share the alcohol if he doesn’t.” 

“We probably should have done that in the first place,” Sirius nodded, picking up his own glass and draining it in one go. “I think I’m going to head to bed. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day. See you in the morning.” 

Remus nodded and watched as Sirius slipped out of the kitchen and headed up the stairs, creaking his way to his bedroom, sitting alone in the kitchen staring into the amber of his drink for a long time before climbing the stairs to his own room and collapsing on his bed. 

***** 

_**MONDAY**_

When Remus finally pried himself from his bed, the sun was low in the sky. He pulled his blanket over his head for a minute until his head stopped pounding and he felt like he could face the light. Sirius liked to take the piss, telling him he still slept like he was twenty. Remus didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was because his body hadn’t been twenty when he _was_ twenty, and now it took him a while to get his joints loose enough to consider moving in the morning. 

Throwing himself into the shower, Remus let himself stand under the warm spray for almost a solid five minutes before he went about getting himself clean and contemplating facing the day. 

Once he had stumbled into some clothes, he wandered down the stairs into the kitchen in search of some coffee. 

Sirius was sitting at the table with a scrap of parchment, frowning. 

“Morning,” Remus mumbled. 

“Nearly afternoon, Moony,” Sirius answered, not looking up. 

“What do you have there?” 

“A note from Harry,” Sirius said, passing the parchment over. 

_Dear Sirius and Remus,_

_Thank you for the bed last night. I don’t actually remember if I said that. I didn’t want to just leave for work without thanking you. I will probably impose on your hospitality for a little while longer. Ginny and I have split up. I’m sorry I couldn’t bring myself to tell you that face to face. She and I are trying to remain friends, but I told her to keep the flat. I’m sorry for bringing this to you, but I didn’t know where else to go. It wasn’t as if I was going to go to Ron and Hermione with this._

_I know I’m not going to want to talk about this, which is why I wrote this note before I left. Please give me some time. I know you mean well, but I’m just not ready._

_Thanks,_

_Harry_

Remus read the note twice before setting it carefully on the table. “Well, that explains a lot.” 

Sirius nodded before twitching his wand in the direction of the counter, where a plate floated carefully over to the table, piled with toast and bacon. 

“I wasn’t sure how late you were going to sleep,” Sirius shrugged, when Remus raised an eyebrow at him. 

It certainly wasn’t the first time Sirius had made him breakfast, or dinner, or any other meal they happened to both be home for. He had long ago learned that Remus wasn’t particularly able to cook for himself. But he usually only cooked for Remus when he wanted something from him. 

“Not that I’m complaining about the food, but what exactly is this about, Sirius?” 

Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair, making it frizzle out around his head. The urge to smooth it down for him hit Remus hard, and he blinked a couple of times to clear his head. 

“If Harry is going to be staying with us for a while I don’t think a transfigured desk is the best we can do. I was hoping you would help me charm a couple extra rooms onto the house.” 

“Without the neighbors noticing?” 

“Well, that’s mostly what I want your help with. You always were better at concealment spells than I was.” 

Remus laughed, adrenaline mixed with an overwhelming fondness for Sirius bubbling up inside him until he couldn’t contain it anymore, and he nearly doubled over laughing until his sides hurt. Somewhere in the back of his head he knew that it was an out of proportion reaction to the situation, but the tension of the last night was catching up with him and dissipating slowly, sparking out and crackling through his veins, leaving Remus feeling like he was going to float away. 

“Yeah, I can help with that.” 

“Eat your breakfast, first.” 

The bacon was still warm, crisp and fatty, and the toast was the perfect level of brown. Remus smiled, taking a bite. “You do know you don’t need to bribe me, right?” he asked around a mouthful of bacon. 

“That’s not a bribe, that’s just making sure my dearest friend doesn’t starve to death.” 

“Which is why you only do it when you have a favor to ask, right? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I’m just saying you don’t need to bribe me.” 

Sirius was frowning at him, fingers idly picking at a piece of toast. “Do I really only feed you when I want something?” 

“You didn’t realize?” 

Sirius shook his head, and Remus sighed. “I mean, yeah, you kind of do. But, like I said, I’m not complaining. I would do pretty much any favor you needed, I thought we established that back in third year. You aren’t somehow coercing me, if that’s what you’re afraid of.” 

There was a long moment where Sirius didn’t say anything, and Remus was afraid he had upset him, but then Sirius shook his head and flashed a rueful smile. “I guess I need to be a little more aware.” 

That made Remus laugh all over again. “Sirius, you are the least self-aware person I have ever met. I’m not expecting that to change any time soon. We do just fine with you just the way you are. Now, let’s go make this house big enough for Harry.” 

***** 

_**TUESDAY**_

Harry didn’t come out of his new room once. Remus spent the entire day working from the couch and keeping an ear out, but he never heard him. At one point Sirius disappeared into Harry’s room with him, and Remus ended up going to bed before either of them came back out again. He didn’t hear Sirius’ door across the hall that night before he fell asleep. 

_**WEDNESDAY**_

Remus was washing the dishes from dinner, using the muggle method to give himself something to do that wasn’t go back to editing the driest article on Ancient Runes he had ever encountered, when Harry wandered into the kitchen and plunked himself down at the table. The chair groaned beneath the sudden weight, more a testament to its age than anything, and Remus turned off the taps, drying his hands. 

Harry just sat at the table looking at nothing for a minute, and Remus looked over to Sirius who had been talking to Harry a lot more the last couple of days, but Sirius shook his head with a minute shrug. 

The silence was creeping, pulling at Remus’ shoulder blades until he was curling in on himself in an attempt to brace for impact, even though logically he knew that whatever was coming couldn’t be that bad. 

Sirius got up from the table, running a hand at the base of Remus’ neck as he slipped past him to get the Firewhisky off the shelf and pour three tumblers full. 

Remus took a deep breath and relaxed under the touch, watching as Sirius floated the glasses to the table, making sure Harry got the fullest one, before leaning against the counter next to Remus and taking a long pull. 

The glass in Remus’ hand was cool, and he clutched at it without drinking any. 

“How did you know?” Harry asked quietly, muffling his words into his glass, not looking up. 

“Know what?” Sirius asked, nudging his shoulder against Remus, until Remus leaned into him, comfort leaking between them as they silently acknowledged that they had no idea how to handle this version of Harry. 

“That you were gay?” 

The room stopped for a moment, no one so much as twitching while they all let those words ricochet around and then settle into the nooks and crannies of the spaces left between them all. 

“The quidditch locker room was a pretty solid indicator,” Sirius snorted, grinning a smug little grin that Remus recognized as total bollocks. 

Deciding that Harry could use a little levity while having this conversation, Remus jostled Sirius with the shoulder that was still connected. “Please, Sirius, you were terrified of the quidditch locker room. Now, the way you practically started panting over Dearborn’s arse might have been a good clue, though.” 

“Like you’re one to talk,” Sirius hissed, turning slightly red at the tips of his ears. 

“Hey, Dearborn had a good arse,” Remus answered, shrugging and pulling away from Sirius to settle in at the table. “There’s no real good answer to that, Harry. It’s different for everyone. Some people,” Remus threw a look at Sirius, raising an eyebrow and smirking, “seem to know immediately. Some of us take a lot longer to figure it out.” 

Harry didn’t react for a long minute, and Remus worried that he had said the wrong thing, but then Harry nodded, one sharp inclination of his head. “I love Ginny, you know? But after a few years it just started to get more and more awkward. Finally, I had to admit that I loved her more like I love Hermione or Ron, not like I should love a lover.” 

“And there’s nothing wrong with that,” Sirius said, sounding as serious as Remus had ever heard him when not faced with Death Eaters or an irate McGonagall. 

“I know that,” Harry spit out quickly, but the pinch of his eyes, the fine tremor in the hand holding his whiskey, told Remus that Harry wasn’t as sure of that as he sounded. 

“Well, then you’re doing better than the rest of us,” Remus snorted. “The first time I had to call off a date because I just wasn't into it, not because I didn’t like the guy, I was a wreck. Felt like I should have just tried harder.” 

“I remember that,” Sirius said softly, turning to look at Remus with wide eyes. “James and I ended up basically sleeping on your floor for three days trying to convince you that you hadn’t done anything wrong.” 

Heat was creeping up Remus’ neck, but he didn’t duck away like he wanted to. He figured it would do Harry some good to hear it. 

“Oh, Merlin,” Sirius suddenly burst out laughing. “Of course, then the next bloke you tried to date tried to break up with you claiming he was dating _me_!” 

“I had forgotten that,” Remus laughed. “Sometimes having a really attractive best mate has its perks, like knowing when your date is playing away on you.” 

Finally, Harry cracked a small smile, before staring pensively back into his glass, lips a thin line, as the silence settled back around them, tight and restrictive. 

“So how did the two of you finally end up together, then?” Harry asked after a long moment. 

Remus choked on his whiskey. 

“Me and Remus?” Sirius asked, sounding as strangled as Remus felt. 

“Well, yeah,” Harry shrugged, refusing to look up at them. 

“Harry, Sirius and I aren’t together,” Remus managed to gasp out, still coughing a little, trying not to sound as shocked as he felt, and fearing he missed by a large margin. 

That finally got Harry to look up, one eyebrow raised, and looking so much like James that Remus felt like he’d gone back more than two decades and the world was spiraling out of control on him, leaving him trapped in a time where Sirius’ smile actually _had_ been the thing to make him realize. A memory he had forced down until it had nearly been smothered, crackling back up and drowning his brain in a staticky white noise. He had been so sure that he had moved past that, that this sudden jolt of adrenaline caught him off guard. 

“Really?” Harry sounded skeptical, and he still hadn’t dropped his eyebrow. “Because the two of you are as close to the perfect couple as I’ve ever seen.” 

“And the fact that we have separate bedrooms didn’t tip you off?” Sirius asked, dropping into the chair next to Remus with a thud, as if his legs just wouldn’t hold him up any more. Remus could sympathize. 

“I just figured one of you snored,” Harry shrugged, finally looking away, face falling a little. 

“Hey, just because we’re both still single doesn’t mean you won’t find someone if you want to, Harry,” Sirius said quietly, clapping Harry on the shoulder, leaning around Remus to do it. 

“Just make sure it’s someone you can laugh with. Someone who gets your bad moods and your good ones. You’ll find them eventually, and in the meantime, you’ll have some fun, you’ll have some heartbreak, and along the way you’ll stumble into a life that works for you, even if it wasn’t the one you had planned on.” 

Both Harry and Sirius were looking at Remus with very different looks of disbelief on their face. 

Harry frowned, lifting his glass and draining off the last of his Firewhiskey. “Well, thanks, I guess. I think I’m going to go to bed now.” 

Remus didn’t call him on how early it was, or the distant look he was tossing about the room like he couldn’t figure out where to let it settle. Neither did Sirius, and Harry slipped out of the room, Remus assumed to either think or sulk. Either way, he wasn’t sure what more he could do unless Harry had more questions. 

Once the door clicked closed behind him, Sirius turned around to face Remus again. “Did you mean that? About finding a life that works for you?” 

Remus shrugged. “I think we’re doing okay here, Sirius, don’t you?” 

Sirius smiled and Remus, for the first time since he was a teenager, remembered what a beautiful smile could do. He had made himself forget for so long that he had succeeded. 

“Yeah, I think we are. But Harry might have been right about something, after all.” 

Eyebrows up, Remus didn’t say anything, not sure where this could be going. After a long moment of just watching each other, Sirius leaned in and pressed the tiniest of kisses to the corner of Remus’ mouth. Remus felt all the air leave his lungs in one hissing burst, a sharp gasping breath in afterwards tasted like whiskey and smelled like Sirius’ shampoo. 

“We probably could be a pretty damned perfect couple.” 

It was only thanks to years of knowing Sirius that Remus could see the way the muscles in his neck twitched, the way his hands were deliberately unclenched on his knees like he had to force them to stay there. Suddenly Remus was a whole lot less worried about where they were going. 

“Yeah, we probably could.”


End file.
